With Chancellor Jones stepping out to “be with his family” and the board of regents scrambling to find another individual for position, I have a suggestion; hire me, Michael R.L. Kern. I would like to take this opportunity to say that I will accept the position of Chancellor for the University of Alaska. People may be saying to themselves, “Is it still April Fools Day?” I would answer, no.

There would be several advantages to hiring me as Chancellor of this university, first: my acceptance would fulfill the self-asserted mandate of the Board of Regents to hire an in-house and in-state individual for the position. Furthermore, it would show fiscal wisdom on their behalf to hire me, because I will take the position at half of Chancellor Jones’ previous gross salary, with the expectation that the difference would go to student programs.

It’s been reported in this publication before, in the Feb. 26, 2008 issue, that the Chancellor had taken the second-highest slot in travel expenses in 2007, with some unaccounted-for spending and extra days of rest. Let me assure any doubters that, when I travel on a company’s dole, I keep my task in focus.

When the Chancellor recently commented, “We didn’t realize how powerful of a pull the grandkids would be,” in his statement to the press, it, in my opinion, could have also read, ‘We didn’t realize how darn cold it got here in the winter,’ and would have still been accurate. As someone who is adapted to our hoarfrost covered fall, winter, and spring landscape, it will not deter me from doing the job.

I’m someone who has lived in Alaska for the last 20 years, I am that someone who, in the words of President Hamilton, “knows Alaska.” I have been an employee of the university since I arrived at UAF to take up more areas of study, having worked as a technical writer for Tom Moyer at the Office of Information Technology, a reporter, writer, and photographer at the Sun Star, and radio disk jockey volunteer at KSUA. Two of which I still work at each week, along with my studies.

As a student, I know how the school serves the student population and how it may better do that job in the future. I also know that I shouldn’t walk on the groomed ski trails and pledge not to require the university build any special facilities, in the future, to serve my needs. Nor have I any family members who are about to give birth.

Not having ever been a chancellor before, there may be a learning curve before I get rolling in my new position, but in time I hope that I can give leadership, prestige, and success to this institution, which has already provided me, and countless others, so much, for the next couple of decades.